The sergeant who was in charge took us through the procedure the night before. Essentially, each of us would have to take a turn going down into a pit with a big mound of dirt in front of us. We would take the pin out of the grenade, which would mean it was then live. There’s a lever that keeps it from going off, but the moment you release it, there’s a five or six-second fuse and then the grenade explodes.
By that time, we were supposed to have thrown it over the mound where it would explode on the other side so none of the fragments would hit anyone.
The sergeant told us some horror stories of people dropping the grenade during the exercise. Mistakes happen in basic training, and people do get killed.
We were told that in the pit there would be a trained person who, if anything went wrong, would know what to do.
That night was a bad night for us, and I didn’t get much sleep. I was worried about what would happen if I really screwed up.
The next morning, we appeared before the sergeant and he asked, “Is anyone scared?” In a group of 50 men, I was the only one who raised my hand.
The sergeant said, “Sullivan is the only person here I trust because he’s actually telling me what’s going on. He’s actually telling the truth.”
He went on, “There’s no dishonor in saying that you’re scared. As a matter of fact, people who are scared and don’t say they’re scared are a bigger worry to me than people who admit they’re scared.”
“As a result,” he continued, “Sullivan is going to go first.”
I went down into the pit and performed according to instructions, and after the training exercise, the sergeant said: “I want to tell you the difference between fear and courage: Fear is wetting your pants. Courage is doing what you’re supposed to do with wet pants.”
I have never forgotten that.
Since then, I keep in mind that everybody experiences fear, but it’s how you respond to the fear that makes the difference. There are only two options: There’s courage and there’s courage-avoidance. You’re either courageous or you’re indulging yourself in some sort of method or activity to avoid courage, which shows up as paralysis, procrastination, or, in some cases, addiction.
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